Wool & Words

I feel that self-checkout lanes should be used for the shorter shopping trips, myself.

And weddings: the wedding should be for you. My sis had to put her foot down on a few things with her wedding, and she was v. glad she did, especially when it comes to guestlists. I mean, hooray for tradition, but woman, you are the bride. *snap* and you get to say what's what!!!

The wedding is for you and Steve. No one else. I actually am not the one to be giving anyone advice about weddings, because I eloped so we didn't have to deal with any of that.

My problem with self-checkout lines is that I always get behind someone who doesn't know how to use them, whether they have 9 items or 9 million items. We've gone through the self-checkout with probably way more than we should, but it doesn't take a long time if you know what you're doing.

Um, I always use the self-checkout - even with a cart full of groceries. It's always so much faster than a "real" line and I get to bag my own groceries, something I'm very picky about. But yes, most people haven't got a clue how to use them. Or any machine for that matter!
I agree - the wedding is for you, but I think part of the deal is pleasing the 'rents (unless you are paying for everything). We invited several of our parent's friends (many of whom we had NO idea who they were) and they came, but honestly, I didn't know most of them were even there! We hung out with our friends, and some folks came by and greeted us, but that was it. That said, many of these people who came to the wedding didn't give us a gift, which I just think is really tacky. It's one thing to be invited to a relative strangers wedding and not go and not send a gift (still rude, but much more forgiveable), but to go, eat their sit down dinner and not give a gift - RUDE!
Whew, sorry for the ramble!

I think the self checkout lanes should have a limit of 10-20 items (and should probably have a mimimum IQ requirement). As for the wedding, ideally it should be for the bride and groom, but sometimes family seems to take over. You could take the easy way out and elope :) That's what my husband and I did, and saved a lot of headaches.

the wedding is for you.

however, you and Steve will be joining your families together and if that is important to you, then you will want to carefully consider (not necessarily accept)some traditions.

my recent experience is further from the bride and more towards the family (I've been married almost 20 years) and while I am all for new things - destination weddings being one of them - I am surprised at how insulted couples can be when their guests decline.

In L.A. I only ever knew of one store with self checkout and it NEVER worked right. I developed a hatred for them then. Now when I go to Walmart, those lines are usually empty. I have no opinion on the number of items in the cart. I'm one of those "cart full of produce" people and half the time the teenage checkers don't even know what grean beans are when they are in a bag and not a can. So which line is better for me? Dunno.

On the wedding thing. If the parents are paying for the wedding they should definitely have some say. Which is why I went into massive credit card debt for mine. We just wanted to share it with a select few people. We had it away from L.A. because if not we would have felt obligated to invite zillions of people and we didn't want that. So we had it at his parents' house and then the guestlist started snowballing again. Eventually we had to tell them we appreciate the use of their home and all their help but we were not inviting people to our wedding who wouldn't even make the christmas card list. We held it at 40 even though we'd hoped for 25. Compromise. Oh well, that's what marriage is all about...? Trust me when I say whatever happens you don't want bad blood connected to your wedding day, so be a little bendy.

Some of those self-serve checkouts do specify that they're only for X (usually 10 or 15) or less. If they don't specify something like this, I guess they expect folks to do whatever they want.

We had a very small wedding, and have a fairly small family circle and not too many close friends, so it wasn't too hard for us. The one big argument my husband and I had, though, was family related. I wanted (his) nephew A to be in the wedding, and hubby's mom *thought* nephew B might be insulted and make a scene if he wasn't included too. I disagreed vigorously, but ended up giving in in the end. So the wedding *should* be about the bride and groom, but sometimes other family members get in the way.

Our wedding/reception was held all in the same place, so those who were invited to one were invited to the other. Simpler, to me.

I think it's for you but my mother (aka Crazy Lady) ruined mine by forcing herself along and then forcing me to invite my brother and THEN asking me to pay for my brother's flight from San Francisco to Key West. Yeah. Five years later and I'm still bitter.

I look at it this way, the wedding is all about the bride and groom. Come wedding day, all you'll care about is the person standing next to you at the ceremony. The reception, on the other hand, is all about your family and guests. You're not throwing the bash for you, no matter how you look at it. It's the first official party you throw as a married couple & it's to thank everyone else.

And I kick ass at self-checkouts from too many years of being a cashier. I get enraged at wally world in the middle of the night when all that's open is self-checkout since I usually have a pile of groceries. Those things never work correctly & the "attendants" are never to be found.

I think the self service lines should be short because there are people out there like me who go into a panic when I think I am not doing it right and holding the whole line up. Seems the screen is always saying "Put item in bag" really loud when the item is already in the bag and there is me taking it out, putting it in, taking it out, putting it in and sreaming at the machine saying ITS IN THE BAG!..and oh well, you get the visual...

As for weddings, if you are paying then you DEFINITELY have all the say. Of course, you wouldn't want to blatantly offend anyone, but you should dictate the major things like how many people, and who, and where etc... My MIL literally wanted to invite EVERYONE on the block, even those families she didn't know becuase "well you wouldn't want to leave anyone out"! Sheesh!! My mom still grumbles about a few things she didn't like, but I counter her with "Did I tell you how I LOVED my wedding day??" and then with a roll of the eyes, she realizes it's what made us happy that was important.

Good luck with everything!

In my mind there is no greater invention than the self-server grocery check out line. It is the answer to all of my fantasies about beind a grocery store checker outer and bagger. Yes. I have those fantasies. There is not much more satisfying than bagging groceries in which all the bags are a uniform weight (not too heavy, not too light) and in which all of the frozen foods are together.

While I do agree, you shouldn't be going there with two cart loads of groceries, I'm willing to cut a person slack because, hey, maybe they're fulfilling their own fantasies.

The only wedding advice I can give you is to tell you what I did. Elope. We told everyone we were going off to get married. By ourselves. Which we did. And two weeks later we had a small dinner party at a lovely inn with about 25 people - all family and my best friend and her family. It was the PERFECT wedding for us. And honestly, whenever I tell people about it, they all tell me they wish they'd done the same thing.

Seriously, though, if people spent half the time on the marriage that they spend on the wedding I bet the divorce rate in this country would be a lot lower.

Not saying that you and your future husband will be doing this, AT ALL, just stating where our society puts the emphasis, as I'm sure you're finding out.

That said - who's paying for the wedding? If the families are paying for it - I'd say they have a lot more say about who goes than if you and your fiance are paying for it yourselves.

self-serve checkout lanes are fab-u-lous, and if all of the slow, cud-chewing masses are clogging them up, i say just go to the checkout girl/boy. they'll probably be happy for the attention.

about weddings, you and i have talked about this (without being vague), and i think i depart a bit from the rest of the group. a wedding isn't just a ceremony or a party, it's also a binding legal (and perhaps social) contract requiring witnesses. so, it can't be only about the bride and groom, because other folks have to sign on the dotted line acknowledging that it actually happened of both parties own free will.

more significantly, and this could just be a southern thing, it is the union of two families by creating a new one. it seems wise to heed (but not be subserviant to) the requests of the two families you are trying to unite. an "it's all about me" attitude can run the risk of alienating the very people that you are trying to bring together. kev and i had a very large wedding with a multitide of people we did not know or did not know well. this is not what we had envisioned for ourselves, however we agreed that it was a compromise we were willing to make because it was important to our families. they were engaging in a loving act by supporting us and our union (emotionally and spiritually), and we were engaging in a loving act by allowing them to share the day in ways that were important to them, even though we thought they were crazy and making life way more difficult than it needed to be.

also, i think in an ideal world it shouldn't matter who is paying for the wedding. whomever is paying should be a gracious giver. giving with love means giving freely.

I'm with Em. Though I hadn't thought of it in quite such terms, a marriage a contract, both social and personal, and it is a joyous ocaission, worthy of celebration. Yet, it's also about the couple. Stand by what you want, but also incorporate some traditions of both families if that's what the two of you would like to do. As far as guests, we did invite a few friends of my MIL from her work that had pretty much watched DH grow up, even though he didn't know them well. The parents deserve to share the celebration with their friends, too. But I do think those people should be kept to their closer friends with whom you have had at least some contact with.

That being said, it does help to keep it small-ish if that's what you want. Renting a little smaller space helps - it's good excuse. I had my wedding and reception in a hotel lobby. It was a lovely indoor garden and if you didn't up very far, you didn't know you were in a hotel. So, everyone from out of town had a place to stay, didn't have to drive anywhere in an unfamiliar town, and we didn't have to drive all over creation. Small-ish weddings give you an opportunity to visit with everyone who came and have more time to spend with those who are your closer friends and family - basically it's easier tomake everyone feel welcome. One thing (I will say is moving across county w/in two weeks of the wedding helps with getting cash gifts. We got lucking in that it ended up paying for most of our reception.) My parents don't pay for things like that, even college, so we paid for ours. Mother still criticized all my choices (too much money!) and I finally had to have my sister tell her that if she said one more negative thing she could just stay home. BTW, we had about 45 people for brunch (w/omelet chef) and it only cost $1600 dollars. Our whole wedding including dress, alterations, 3 tux rentals, rings, flowers and photographer, and trip to bush gardens afterwards, cost about $4000. It pays to go to McClintock and an estate jeweler. I only had one MOH and she made her dress despite my offer to purchase one she liked.

Ettiquette wise, marriages are public ceremonies; it's the reception that is invitation only. Guests *should* bring a gift, but are not required to do so. And get those thank you notes out right away - even for just a card. Trust me, family will comment on it. You'll make a great impression b/c of it and it makes the MIL proud that her son chose such a thoughtful woman. And your mom reinforcement that she raised you right.

I pretty gave up on self check out ages ago - especially for home depot. Hope the stone is gone and as painlessly as possible